Cold Spaghetti

If you ask Paul why he married me, I’m pretty sure he’ll tell you two reasons: 1. Dream Dessert, and 2. Tomato Pie.

The original tomato pie recipe had disappeared a few years back and I’d been having trouble making it as perfect as I had in the past. My Mom magically found the recipe and sent it on to me yesterday. I tried it out tonight and can vouch that it is as sound as ever. Much too good of a jewel not to pass on — complete with family secrets in the notes below!

TOMATO PIE

2 C. buttermilk baking mix (Bisquick)
2/3 C. whole milk
4 large tomatoes
3/4 C. mayonnaise
1 C. sharp cheddar cheese, grated
Grated onion to taste*
Salt & pepper to taste
Italian seasoning to taste

Mix together baking mix and milk and spread in lightly greased 9-inch pie pan.

Cover tomatoes with boiling water and let stand a few minutes. Drain. Peel and slice thinly. Layer tomatoes with onion, salt, pepper, & Italian seasoning on top of unbaked pie shell until pie is level.

Mix together cheese & mayonnaise. Carefully spread over top of pie.

Bake at 400 degrees** for 20-25 minutes until nicely browned. Let set for a few minutes before slicing.

*I like to use a large Vidalia onion sliced thinly and lightly sautéed to a golden brown instead of the grated onion.

**I have found 400 degrees can cook the topping too fast and not cook the crust all the way through in the middle so I start the temperature at 375 degrees for 10 minutes and then lower to 350 degrees and cook for about 20-25 minutes more. I use a clear glass Pyrex pie dish to watch to see that the crust is browning.

I joined New Orleans’ freecycle group a few months ago and have used it to pass on a bunch of things… from fence boards to packages of unused hotel soap to shoes. I posted some baby boy items that were given to me from a neighbor… a cap, bathing suit, blue crib blanket, etc. Quickly after posting, an interested party emailed me.

But I am unsettled over her email. For one, her email name is something like “Resaler Cindy,” which makes me think that she may be trying to profit from freecycle, which bothers me. Second, she says she wants it “for a friend,” but did so in all lowercase letters with no punctuation and a typo. I have no problem with quick, un-punctuated, lowercase notes from friends, but my goodness… when it is a formal request to be given an item for free, maybe writing a sentence would be good form! She’s not ee cummings for crying out loud. Sheesh.

In the past, when I’ve received messages that give me pause, the person has been flaky and pick-up has been a pain. So I initially thought I’d just skip her message and go to the next person. But no one else has responded! What to do…?

As an eldest girl in 4 generations of eldest girls, I grew up sensitive to the roles of being first born. I was expected to be responsible, aware, in control, helpful, and dutiful. In contrast, I was very aware of the different expectations put on my brother, the youngest and the baby. In my (perhaps jaded) view, his role was simply to be loved and adored. Now that I have two children, I feel I can much better understand the dynamic. First children break you in, completely destroying you in the process. The following child (or children) are easy, simple joys.
People ask all the time, “is it harder with two?” And the answer, of course, is “YES.” But not for the reasons I would have thought. Once you’ve gone through it once, having a baby is EASY. It is nothing like the first time, when you are totally overwhelmed, struggle with everything, and never get a chance to embrace the joy of motherhood. Having a second doesn’t make it harder because babies are complicated; having a second makes it harder because you’ve still got to deal with your first. The next children aren’t the ones who make parenting tough. It’s figuring out each stage your oldest is going through that kicks your butt.
So, while Will is a fantastic two-year old and is a source of tremendous love and entertainment, he is the one constantly pushing me as a parent. He is the one who forces me to learn, testing his (and my) limits, leading me down new paths and asking me to be a better person. Kate will do her own testing, I’m certain, but it will not be as rough because I’ll have already experienced the first frustrations and challenges from Will.
Maybe this is why first children are so heavily relied upon; we parents look to them to help us learn to be parents. We look to Will to guide us on how to be a family and to teach us what makes good parenting. He breaks us in; Kate reeps the benefits. Mothering Kate makes me feel confident and complete in my role as a mother in a way I never felt when I was learning with Will. I look at her and see that the difficulties of parenting are still moments of joy, because ultimately, they are rooted in the tremendous love you feel for your children. When life was “just Will,” I was too busy learning to see it.
If I am a good parent, and I believe that I am, it is because of Will and how he has taught me, pushed me, and challenged me into being a better person.

“What are the must-haves for new parents?”
“What are the items you have used the most?”
“What do you not need?”

I’ve been asked these questions a lot lately as friends are getting ready to have their first children. Now with my second baby, I’m re-using a lot of things and wondering, myself, what I should keep for my future nieces and newphews and what I should pass on.

Some things I use everyday:
– Boppy Pillow (I consider this a must-have)
– Aquarium Take-along swing (loved by both kids)
– Cloth diapers (the thick, pre-fold variety)
– Good nursing bras

As kids get older:
– Robeez shoes
– Beyond Play toys and art supplies
– Toilet seat trainer
– Blocks, legos, music toys

Things that weren’t used/didn’t get:
– Baby carrier (Will hated it; Kate seems to be okay with it)
– Baby bath tub (we wash the kids in the sink)
– Crib toys/mobiles

Any moms out there have other suggestions I can pass on to new moms??

I just found out that my favorite bumper sticker, “Republicans for Voldemort” is based on a cartoon called Goats, specifically, from this run. Due to the popularity, you can buy your bumper stickers and t-shirts through their site. Maybe I’ll write them and see if I can talk them into making kids t-shirts and onesies. Awesome!

Curious about all the different digital photo printing options, I performed my own head-to-head comparison of four services: Kodak Gallery (formally ofoto), Snapfish, Shutterfly, and Winkflash. I chose these four because they are among the options available to Picasa users and allow me to send photos in bulk with one click from Picasa. (I highly recommend Picasa, it’s free, easy to use, and allows emailing, blogging, and ordering photos with one easy click — love it!) My Wal-Mart photo experiences have been awful.

All the pictures are in and here are the findings:

All pictures were ordered last Thursday evening (August 3rd). Delivery/Shipment Info:
Snapfish: ready at local Walgreen’s on Friday, August 4th (next day). No fee.
Kodak Gallery: picked up at local CVS on Sunday, August 6th. $1.49 processing fee.
Shutterfly: arrived by mail Monday, August 7th. Most expensive shipping determined by number of photos.
Winkflash: arrived by mail Wednesday, August 9th. .99 cent shipping on all orders.

Some perks: Shutterfly and Winkflash offer white borders on photos. Shutterfly allows you to put comments on the backs. All of these are free.

I compared about 15 different photographs… outside bright light, action shots, inside shots, shots that had been doctored, shots that were cropped, etc. The ones taken outside in bright light had the least color variation between companies. Inside shots varied the most, some had huge variation in color! Our least favorite photos were Snapfish. They were the most drab, dark, and irregular in color. Our favorite were Shutterfly. These were the most consistently color-true, warm, and attractive. Winkflash got second billing, although their photos were usually darker than the others, making whites not so “white.” Kodak, who we’ve used for years now, was okay but inconsistent and got a third place ranking. Some photos were great, but others were washed out and dull. A few favorites were so washed out that it knocked them down in our outlook.

In terms of cost, with online coupons, specials, and money back from fatwallet, I didn’t see much difference. In other words, I didn’t consider it a big factor for comparison; quality and ease of ordering were more important.

I also like Photoworks, who were not included in this comparison. I used them to print photos for Kate’s birth announcements because they were the only company I could find that would do 3 1/2 x 5 inch prints. They are out of Seattle, so shipping takes a little while longer to get East and the shipping costs are similar to Shutterfly, based on number of pictures. I really like the quality of the photos I got from them and would use them again — however, because they aren’t available through the Picasa program, I won’t go out of my way to use them. It’s too time consuming to load photos one-by-one and I am not interested in installing their photo program to speed up the process.

Does anyone have other recommended photo services??

My friend and fellow PhD candidate, Eva, came by yesterday for a visit. Eva has become the go-to gal for the Department of Homeland Security, who, having recently figured out that many New Orleans area residents speak spanish, hired Eva to record Public Service Announcements for broadcast on local spanish radio and television stations. (Apparently no one in the local Department of Homeland Security can read aloud in Spanish. Interesting.)

It was great to talk to her. I gained some insight into the exploding Latino migrant population (clarification: exploding, yet, invisible Latino population) and some of the existing services (clarification: first come, first serve limited services capped at approximately 1 person per day). There is a great deal of work to be done here… it is a great time to be here if you are someone who is interested in disaster services and infrastructure building!

We also talked a bit about dissertations (*gasp!*) I vocalized a little of what I’m thinking about and enjoyed hearing positive, thoughtful feedback; it was an excellent mini mental recharge. As a result, I am having a hard time focusing today. What I really want to do is dive back into literature reviews and make contacts!

“Will, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”

“No. My feet on wrong.”

* What does discipline mean to you? *
* How do you discipline? *
* What do you want your children to learn from discipline? *
* How were you disciplined? *

These were some of the questions addressed in a seminar I attended, “Disciplining Your Child From Zero to Three” with developmental psychologist Dr. Pat Blackwell. Dr. Blackwell came to Abeona House at the bequest of our director and gave this free seminar to staff and parents.

I learned:
– Discipline is teaching. And next to love, is the most important thing we give children.
– Toddlers think on the outside and are unable to process cause and effect — there is no filter, so they “try” everything to see what will happen
– Discipline starts in infancy. When babies are left to cry, they are less able to self-regulate emotions.
– “Mr. Rodgers” style conversation of describing emotions and situations works very well with toddlers
– Toddlers cannot feel empathy. However, we can use modeling to teach empathetic behavior so that when they are able to process those types of emotions, they understand how to deal with them appropriately.

Since the seminar, I’ve realized:
– My goal in disciplining is to build my child’s self-esteem and self-control through teaching, not to force them to blindly obey through authorative power
– Specific descriptions of how something makes me feel works well as a motivator for Will
– Modeling is not the best tool to use with Will at this time, or maybe my skills here are weak
– All of these things sound much easier and sensible in a room of adults with no children present.
There definitely are no “answers” for how to get a toddler or preschooler to listen at every moment. Dr. Blackwell made me feel better by stressing that discipline is a life-long learning process. I feel better just knowing that this isn’t suppose to be easy!

What to do with two kids in the hot morning air? Today’s solution: get thee to the shade of the park. It was a full morning with geese, ducks, squirrels, birds, and turtles. Question: there were at least two types of turtles in the water today. One seemed like the standard box turtle that we normally see. The other were larger (much larger) and had pointed heads and snouts… are these snapping turtles?



It was a fun morning, until the heat became too much for Kate and she asked to be brought inside. I felt pretty happy about our morning adventure… until I saw it was only 10am and there were 2 hours to go until naptime! Doh!