“But it’s not FAIR!” Will says as he throws around his school pants. “I don’t WANT TO TAKE OFF MY SHOES!!”
He’s gotten dressed in green corduroys instead of his blue school pants, again. I’m not concerned that he has a turtleneck under his school shirt on a day that will reach the low-70s, but I do need him to wear his navy school pants. I’m cool on bending the rules (e.g.: the royal blue pants with baggy pockets from yesterday) but responsibility holds me from breaking them completely. Hence the angry outburst from my child. “Good morning, son!” I think to myself, “like most mornings, today I’m greeting you with demands that make you miserable!”
Kate, on the other hand, is pleasant as can be, setting up intricate bedding for assorted dolls and stuffed things. Large items have bedding made up from blankets she’s unpacked from Will’s room, which makes me sigh as I consider having to fold and put back each one. Then I notice that the small items have bedding made up of Kleenex. Suddenly re-folding blankets seems like a joyous task. Fifteen minutes of badgering, directing, undressing, re-dressing, cajoling, and general focused power are what it takes to get the child into actual clothing. It’s a delicate balance between listening, encouraging, directing, offering choices, and provoking total meltdown. At least this child still needs enough help in the morning that I can play to that balancing-act. The boy is pretty much in misery full-time.
—
I figure that morning chaos isn’t unique (right?)Â But here is where my morning both brightens and narrows into envy:
While I’m wetting my son’s hair and trying to comb it while he eats breakfast (by the way, water is akin to hot oil — the child is screaming under the sizzle of the luke-warm water on the brush), while Kate is being asked for the 18th time to PLEASE put on her shoes, and while I watch as the cat jumps up on the table to lick out of a cereal bowl that wasn’t put in the sink…. Paul waltzes in the door.
Yes. Waltz.
He glides in, shiny and perfect, all rested and perky, having enjoyed 2 blissful hours of work in the coffee shop. He’s had plenty of perfectly prepared caffeine and gotten through enough work to feel a bit accomplished before the rest of our time zone has put on pants. And now he’s home to kiss his darling family and send them off to school.
Is it okay that I both love him and …. hate him for this? Damn perky perfect husband, forcing himself out of bed extra early to put in hours to spend more time with us and help me more in the afternoon!!
And just like that, my warm underbelly is exposed and all my weaknesses laid out for display: I suck at morning routine.
I’m looking for the reality check here.
SHOULD I be just as perfect and have the kids ready and waiting for his return? Or is this just too Stepford?
Is it more reasonable that my husband come home to the gum-in-my-hair wife wielding two screaming, half-dressed children and a kitchen full of dirty dishes?
Could my morning madness just be karmic balance? Or am I not fulfilling what should be a sort of equally-impressive display of responsibility to my mate?
Help me out, folks. How do you do it?
laloca | 25-Mar-10 at 9:05 am | Permalink
er… sorry, hon – the best i can offer you by way of reality check is “three miscarriages”. hence, i read about your morning trials with some envy. although you probably don’t want to hear about my lazy mornings of dog-wrangling, menu-planning, yarn-perusing, or yard-working (yay, spring)!
OTOH, if Will only had blue pants, you wouldn’t have such problems. 😉
heather | 25-Mar-10 at 9:48 am | Permalink
Umm…our mornings are either like that, or the total opposite when everyone wakes up in sweetly good moods. This morning was a good morning. The fixing hair thing made me laugh because that too happens at our house, half the time I tell Alex “bedhead rocks” and we just leave it, which drives my husband crazy.
The best advice is to not stress, you said it yourself – even though Paul is working, he’s by himself and responsible for one thing and one thing only. I say let him see you a little frazzled, then he can appreciate what goes on while he slowly sips his coffee and prepares for the day.
shokufeh | 25-Mar-10 at 10:49 am | Permalink
I’m horrible with the morning routine. My strategy is to lie in bed, prompting MrMan through his routine, and then drag myself up while MrMan is eating breakfast. It’s very sad. And only works because Sam is a morning person and makes breakfast for MrMan and caffeine for me.
eli | 25-Mar-10 at 11:18 am | Permalink
I wish I had the answer.
The reality is no one is perfect in the morning except in commercials.
I brush Wylie’s hair (to no avail) in the morning with a squirt of something (tea tree oil, perfume, water) of his selection and then try my best to brush the hair.
I put clothes out the night before it cuts down on the I want to wear battle. Can you have more than one pair of blue pants to have Will make a choice?
Finally it is totally acceptable to be envious of the person who waltzes in refreshed when it is the last thing you are! Of course if that person then waltzes out with the two creatures who have had you crazed leaving you to enjoy a cup of coffee with the cat then you can also be in love with him.
AND you are a fantastic mom by making them eat breakfast at a table. We eat a bagel in the car and then finish it at school. Otherwise we’d have to be up two hours before we needed to leave for school!
ewe_are_here | 25-Mar-10 at 12:47 pm | Permalink
I think some level of chaos is expected –normal,even– in the mornings when you have small children. I’m fairly organized, and yet I still find myself yelling a fair amount when certain small boys are not doing what I need them to do to get them out the door on time.
And it never ceases to irk me if my husband doesn’t pitch in if he has an extra 20 minutes in the morning — so I generally force the issue if it arises. As in ‘here, take the baby’, or ‘please fix them breakfast’.
mayberry | 25-Mar-10 at 8:14 pm | Permalink
We usually share the a.m. routine and if one of us is not there, the remaining person muddles through as best as he/she can. I think your only responsibility is to do the best you can! Hardest for me is when younger kid acts up and it’s hard to get older kid to school on time. There are no natural consequences for him making her late, you know?
Lady M | 25-Mar-10 at 10:15 pm | Permalink
We only have to get one child out of the house on time three days a week. I foresee more grumpiness when the school year begins next year. Good luck!
chrissieroux | 26-Mar-10 at 7:42 am | Permalink
Holly, we do it just like this, except with probably a lot more yelling (you are so freaking patient!). And here’s what I think about the whole “should I be more…” thing: I truly believe that the best we can hope for in life is to be fully OURSELVES–to embrace everything that makes us who we are, to make no apologies for these things, to work on things that might be problematic (like yelling, ahem) but without judgement. You’re not like Paul, and why should you be? If you tried to be anything different–if you tried to be more Stepford–you would be miserable, and so would everyone else. Those kids would be screaming for their Mommy back, and so would Paul. Just my two cents.
chrissieroux | 26-Mar-10 at 7:46 am | Permalink
And also, I have always been a bit amazed by Will’s hair: it always seems so neat and straight! Half of the time, when Sydney starts screaming as I approach with the comb, I just give up and send her out with mussed-up hair. Whatever.
kayak woman | 26-Mar-10 at 8:42 am | Permalink
Memories of the good, the bad, and the ugly. When my two daughters were in high school and middle school, mornings could be so awful that I started taking my daily walk at around 6:30 AM. Got back just in time to see them off. There were good times too. I greatly miss the mornings when they were in the early grades and I would read to them while they ate breakfast. Good luck! (With the water heater too.)
head lima bean | 27-Mar-10 at 6:05 pm | Permalink
have you seen clare’s outfits? a direct result of the morning situation for sure. and how many times do i drive thru for ‘breakfast chicken’ aka hasbrowns on the way to school b/c she refuses to eat? or that i will load the kids up 20 minutes before we have to leave just b/c mario can help put them in the car. it’s all real but i think paul should at least bring you a cup of coffee when he does his waltz through the front door. 🙂