On Running

This heaviness is in my heart and head.  These things (past, present, future?) and more…are things I just can’t shake.  Really, they are the kinds of things one shouldn’t shake away: we should put our faces right up to them, shine that mirror onto our natures, and teach each other better ways.  Which is why I am embarrassed that at times like these, my instinct is to grab my family and run.  My worst weaknesses, fear and sorrow.  Sometimes I just can’t find a silver lining.  Sometimes I can’t help but see the worst.

Jaded, cynical, and rational, I cannot believe in a benevolent creator that loves the people of earth, so I need to believe in a world of people who love each other.  It’s all I’ve got.  It’s all I am.

Which is maybe why, tonight, when Will picked this book to read at bedtime, I finished it with great difficulty.  Not the hormonal sensitivities of a younger woman feeling nostalgic over a cheesy movie’s surprise patriotism — but the hitching breath and breaking voice of an adult who doesn’t know how to explain how ugly things happen in a world her children are being taught to love.

From “Is There Really a Human Race?

And why do we do it, this zillion-yard dash?

If we don’t help each other, we’re all going to… crash.

Sometimes it’s better not to go fast.

There are beautiful sights to be seen when you’re last.

Shouldn’t it be that you just try your best?

And that’s more important than beating the rest?

Shouldn’t it be looking back at the end

that you judge your own race by the help that you lend?

So, take what’s inside you and make big, bold choices.

And for those who can’t speak for themselves, use bold voices.

And make friends and love well,

bring art to this place.

And make the world better

for the whole human race.