{"id":3785,"date":"2009-01-29T14:16:55","date_gmt":"2009-01-29T21:16:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/?p=3785"},"modified":"2009-01-30T10:43:22","modified_gmt":"2009-01-30T17:43:22","slug":"on-being-heard-or-not-heard-and-what-lies-between","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/2009\/01\/29\/on-being-heard-or-not-heard-and-what-lies-between\/","title":{"rendered":"On Being Heard, or Not Heard, and what lies between."},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the best lessons I learned during my social work internship at Michigan hospital system was from a Mother of a sick child.\u00c2\u00a0 She described how she used to think that families with sick kids were stronger people, that she would never be able to handle it if one of her kids got sick.\u00c2\u00a0 “But now,” and I’m paraphrasing her here, “I know the truth.\u00c2\u00a0 We’re not stronger than anyone, we are just doing what we have to do.”<\/p>\n

Her words have stuck with me all through my parenting.\u00c2\u00a0 That there is no immunity from illness and, as a parent, anything can happen.<\/p>\n

Being a parent of two healthy children, I am so selfishly ignorant of thinking about their health.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t worry about them because I know that they are healthy kids.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 And when I see kids without the same opportunities for health: whether it is because they are limited in access to quality food and water, or to adequate medicines, or do not have the right identification to be allowed medical care — and I feel anger and shame and sadness for the screwed up ways of the world, my thoughts go to the parents.\u00c2\u00a0 Who are, more often than not, just regular people trying to do what they have to do.<\/p>\n

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\nSo it’s not that I don’t believe that my kids can be sick.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s just that, unless they are bleeding or turning blue, I have a hard time believing that what is happening is any other than completely normal.\u00c2\u00a0 They are healthy kids who have everything they need.\u00c2\u00a0 Besides, I’m the Mom.\u00c2\u00a0 I’d notice if something were really, really wrong.\u00c2\u00a0 Right?<\/p>\n

Um, well, maybe not.<\/a><\/p>\n

And then.<\/p>\n

We had the kids’ second parent-teacher conferences last night.\u00c2\u00a0 Will, the child who a few months ago was proclaimed “amazing,”<\/a> had a mixed report card.\u00c2\u00a0 He is very quiet.\u00c2\u00a0 He is often in his own little world.\u00c2\u00a0 When he speaks French, it’s often difficult to understand.\u00c2\u00a0 To ‘test’ them for their reports this week, the teacher played a tape of a story they had heard many times before.\u00c2\u00a0 Then they were asked to repeat back parts of the story with cards that they organized in the stages of that story.\u00c2\u00a0 Will knew the story, could describe it, but was unable to repeat back the phrases from the tape.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead, he gave mumbled responses that were difficult to hear and understand, or, he repeated back phrases that had similar sounds but totally different meanings — like similarly sounding phrases from other songs or stories.\u00c2\u00a0 The bottom line:<\/p>\n

“Do you think that maybe he is having trouble hearing?”<\/p>\n

If you heard the giant GONG sound that rung through New Orleans late yesterday afternoon, it was the sound of the mammoth cymbal in my head, calling my attention to the obvious.\u00c2\u00a0 Oh my goodness.\u00c2\u00a0 Weren’t Paul and I just wondering about Will’s hearing a few days ago?<\/p>\n

I explored it when we were alone, driving to Kate’s appointment.\u00c2\u00a0 “Will, do things ever sound funny to you?”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, a lot of times, I hear two things.”<\/p>\n

“Two things?”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, like two voices.”<\/p>\n

GONG.\u00c2\u00a0 Um, maybe like an echo, Mom?<\/p>\n

And then, Kate’s teacher, whose son has had chronic ear problems for almost a decade, “we didn’t realize my son was having problems because he was reading lips.”<\/p>\n

GONG. GONG. GONG.\u00c2\u00a0 HELLO??\u00c2\u00a0 ARE YOU REALLY THIS CLUELESS?<\/p>\n

A list formed in my head….Couldn’t repeat back lines from a tape.\u00c2\u00a0 Can’t understand my directions unless I make him look at my face.\u00c2\u00a0 Irritable for no reason.\u00c2\u00a0 Complains that there is too much wax in his ear.\u00c2\u00a0 History of fluid build up with no fever.<\/p>\n

Head, *desk*.<\/p>\n

And still, I hesitate.\u00c2\u00a0 Am I being alarmist to think that there is a hearing loss issue here?\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes, kids don’t listen. That is normal. Maybe he’s just over school or listening or whatever. Maybe he’s just being surly. Surely, I couldn’t miss something like hearing loss in my child FOR MONTHS?\u00c2\u00a0 Could I…?<\/p>\n

Well, I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s being seen by the pediatrician for a hearing test… during the same appointment Kate has for getting her ears checked.\u00c2\u00a0 Am I the least observant Mother on the planet?\u00c2\u00a0 Or the most hardened?\u00c2\u00a0 Or am I just clueless?
\n
\nStay tuned.
\n<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/center><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the best lessons I learned during my social work internship at Michigan hospital system was from a Mother of a sick child.\u00c2\u00a0 She described how she used to think that families with sick kids were stronger people, that she would never be able to handle it if one of her kids got sick.\u00c2\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3785"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3785"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3785\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3810,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3785\/revisions\/3810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3785"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3785"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3785"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}