{"id":3764,"date":"2009-01-23T12:40:59","date_gmt":"2009-01-23T19:40:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/?p=3764"},"modified":"2009-01-23T22:20:48","modified_gmt":"2009-01-24T05:20:48","slug":"he-is-5-years-going-on-15-mother-is-unprepared","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/2009\/01\/23\/he-is-5-years-going-on-15-mother-is-unprepared\/","title":{"rendered":"He is 5 years going on 15, Mother is unprepared."},"content":{"rendered":"

Kids these days are just growing up so young. At least, this is what I’d heard. But I had no idea that it was the actual truth. Remember that kid of mine? The five year old<\/a>? Yeah, well, he is now fifteen.<\/p>\n

And he is SO OVER us.<\/p>\n

It feels like it was just yesterday that I was forcing him into his clothes<\/a>. Or video-taping him in a school dance<\/a>. Or passing by the bathroom to find him happily sitting on the can, reading a book about ducks<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Now?\u00c2\u00a0 Well, NOW, his once colorful vocabulary has been replaced by the following phrases: “I don’t know” “No” and “This is SO BORING.”\u00c2\u00a0 That once bright and cheery disposition has been replaced with eye rolling, deadpan stares, and dragging feet.\u00c2\u00a0 In an instant, I have become the annoying after-school special parent.\u00c2\u00a0 The perky one whose very existence is such an unbelievable burden that it is nearly impossible to get out bed each morning, put on the clothes she washed, walk down to eat the breakfast she’s made, off of the plates that she’ll clean and put away.<\/p>\n

Because Moms are, like, SO LAME.<\/p>\n

On the days I pick him up from school, this is the typical exchange:<\/p>\n

“Hi, Will!”\u00c2\u00a0 I’ll say much too perkily,<\/em> “What did you do at school today?”<\/p>\n

Will is silent.\u00c2\u00a0 He cannot speak while within viewing distance of the school.<\/em> He melts into his seat, clearly pained to be seen.<\/em> Did you know how difficult it is to like, breathe and stuff??<\/em><\/p>\n

“Will? Will? WILL? Are you there?” I hate to be ignored. <\/em><\/p>\n

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID AT SCHOOL TODAY.”\u00c2\u00a0 He’s working hard to end the conversation before it starts.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not yet convinced.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean, he used to just need a little help remembering.<\/em>..<\/p>\n

“You don’t remember?”<\/p>\n

“No.”<\/p>\n

I wait.\u00c2\u00a0 Maybe he needs some time?\u00c2\u00a0 Five minutes later…<\/em><\/p>\n

“Hey Will, did you have art today?” \u00c2\u00a0 pause<\/em>.\u00c2\u00a0 “Or English with Ms. Roxanna?”\u00c2\u00a0 These are his favorites, maybe he’ll talk about this? <\/em><\/p>\n

“I.\u00c2\u00a0 don’t.\u00c2\u00a0 know.”<\/p>\n

“Did you…”\u00c2\u00a0 Okay.\u00c2\u00a0 Now I’m just being silly.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m about to ask him if he went skydiving or visited Pluto or watched Dangerous Liaisons or learned about existential philosophy.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes, it makes him laugh?<\/em><\/p>\n

“Mommy, do we have to talk? It’s SO BORING.”\u00c2\u00a0 That’s it.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s made it clear.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s not interested in playing my reindeer games.<\/em><\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Then, this morning, as he jumped out of his seat to run into school, he made the teacher pause just a second as he climbed to the front to plant a big kiss, square on my lips.\u00c2\u00a0 In front of the school, teachers, friends, and everyone.\u00c2\u00a0 If I look a little frazzled today, it’s because I’m still recovering from the shock.<\/p>\n

Maybe I’m not so bad after all?\u00c2\u00a0 At least, not yet…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kids these days are just growing up so young. At least, this is what I’d heard. But I had no idea that it was the actual truth. Remember that kid of mine? The five year old? Yeah, well, he is now fifteen. And he is SO OVER us. It feels like it was just yesterday […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3764"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3764"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3764\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3768,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3764\/revisions\/3768"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3764"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3764"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3764"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}