![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/will.jpg\" "\\"will\\"")
<\/p>\nI am a very hated Mommy, so says my son, who has decided to declare all out war against me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He’s been very difficult lately in general.\u00c2\u00a0 Argumentative, stubborn, lashing out.\u00c2\u00a0 Combined with his sleeping in until 7:30 most days and a complaint that his ear “was popping”, I was suspecting an ear infection or possibly swimmer’s ear: irritability is his major symptom when he has something wrong with his ears.\u00c2\u00a0 But there has been no fever and no other real symptoms.<\/p>\n
By all accounts, he is doing great in school… except he has been expressing anxiety over one classmate that has extraordinary behavioral challenges.\u00c2\u00a0 The school is doing their best, but when you have a child with severe problems and parents that lack the skills or ability to handle it, it can make the entire classroom suffer.\u00c2\u00a0 While I have not personally observed first hand how this child impacts the class during the main school day, by Will’s own accounts, it can be a blight on an otherwise good day.\u00c2\u00a0 (Paul has seen the child at a birthday party and was absolutely floored at the extent of the problem.)\u00c2\u00a0 Will has asked repeatedly if he can stay home specifically to stay away from this child.\u00c2\u00a0 We’ve spoken with the school and know that they are doing their best, but at the same time, we are concerned about Will.<\/p>\n
Now I am wondering whether what is happening at school is impacting his behavior at home?\u00c2\u00a0 Do older kids learn defiance and backtalk from watching other kids?\u00c2\u00a0 Or is what we are seeing from Will a normal part of being 4?\u00c2\u00a0 It’s not like he hasn’t had difficult moments before.<\/p>\n
Last night, Paul was away working and I was alone for dinner, baths, and putting the kids to bed.\u00c2\u00a0 We all had enjoyed a nice night.\u00c2\u00a0 Will ate a great dinner, had a treat, and asked for ‘tea with milk and sugar’ which I happily made for him.\u00c2\u00a0 He asked me to sit with him at the table to talk while he had his tea and I obliged.\u00c2\u00a0 I got Kate down and then went for Will, who was suppose to be cleaning up Legos that he’d been asked to clean up hours before (after I removed several pieces from Kate’s mouth).\u00c2\u00a0 But when I went to get him, Will was watching TV and Legos were still surrounding him.\u00c2\u00a0 I turned off the TV and he lost it.\u00c2\u00a0 First he threw Legos at me.\u00c2\u00a0 Then, when I went to pick him up and bring him straight to bed, he proceeded to alternate between going limp and kicking.\u00c2\u00a0 Actually kicking me.\u00c2\u00a0 He said a range of hurtful things and when placed in his bed, defiantly jumped out.\u00c2\u00a0 Several times over.<\/p>\n
Finally, I said: “Will, as of right now, you are not having a birthday party.”\u00c2\u00a0 He froze.\u00c2\u00a0 And as I walked out of the room, the wail started.\u00c2\u00a0 It lasted about 10 minutes and then, after another 10 minutes or so of silence, he walked out of his room and said, “I’m sorry Mommy.”<\/p>\n
“Thank you, Will,” I said, “now go back to bed.”<\/p>\n
This morning we talked about last night’s incident.\u00c2\u00a0 I asked him to recount the progression of events and he did so with great accuracy.\u00c2\u00a0 He knew exactly what he did wrong and was appropriately sorry.\u00c2\u00a0 I explained that when he acted inappropriately, in ways that he knew were not acceptable, that it broke the trust we have.\u00c2\u00a0 And that in order to do fun things, we had to have trust — to know that he wasn’t going to act out or do something that would get him or someone else hurt.\u00c2\u00a0 So, I explained that, “if he didn’t show us that he could be trusted to behave appropriately, that we could not risk having a birthday party.” He got it.<\/p>\n
Then the rest of the day was great.\u00c2\u00a0 We went to the store, we painted pumpkins, we helped Paul in the yard, we played games on the Ipod.\u00c2\u00a0 Then, while I was making dinner inside with Kate, the kitchen completely engaged with knives, boiling pots, and food everywhere… Paul carries a bloodied Will inside and dumps him in the middle of the mess.\u00c2\u00a0 I had to get crying and sobbing Will into the shower, ice on his boo-boos, wash him off, and help him get dressed in the middle of the critical do-it-or-lose-it moment of dinner making.\u00c2\u00a0 Somehow, he recovered enough to have a good dinner, but fell apart soon after.\u00c2\u00a0 The whole event from last night repeated itself.<\/p>\n
(Except for the ‘I’m sorry’ part.\u00c2\u00a0 That hasn’t happened… yet.)<\/p>\n
I’m not sure what is happening with him.\u00c2\u00a0 Have I done something wrong?\u00c2\u00a0 Is he sick?\u00c2\u00a0 Is this normal acting out, just on a grand scale?\u00c2\u00a0 Is he reacting to his frustrations with his classmate?\u00c2\u00a0 We have no idea.<\/p>\n
The only thing I know is that, at this point, I may be completely off the hook for having to plan a birthday party…?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am a very hated Mommy, so says my son, who has decided to declare all out war against me. He’s been very difficult lately in general.\u00c2\u00a0 Argumentative, stubborn, lashing out.\u00c2\u00a0 Combined with his sleeping in until 7:30 most days and a complaint that his ear “was popping”, I was suspecting an ear infection or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[86],"tags":[107],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2547"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2547"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2547\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2549,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2547\/revisions\/2549"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.coldspaghetti.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}