Randy: I think you absolutely nailed the “Dad discourse” — it’s about fighting for recognition of the role Father’s play in childrearing. As I said above, you can’t limit one gender and not have an equal limitation to the other. Culturally, parenting is in no way gender-neutral — and the magazine knows it and plays into those strict binary roles. It creates a tension, asks us to be petty (consider again the post’s response to the initial question of ‘whining’), and builds a readership on those things. We used to tell students to “sex the test” to see if a gender dynamic was being played out in something. From your Parenting Magazine example, change the sexes and/or genders of the titles of the articles. If it doesn’t work in the same way, they are playing off a gender dynamic. Granted, there are ‘informational’ articles about things like immunization and breastfeeding — but they are virtually always extremely bias to cultural imperatives and rarely fully representative of science. (In the interest of full disclosure, I find Parenting Magazine to be terrible.)

I think you are exactly right that the contributions of Fathers struggling to work and be there for their kids is not well recognized. And that there is some sort of idea that you’re suppose to work 12 hour days 6 days a week and not see your kids grow up; that this is a sacrifice of a good father. That should not be the case. Our workplace is not designed for women OR men — and it belittles BOTH of our roles as parents. Parenting should, in no way, impact anyone’s career. And the contributions of parents should be recognized equally for what they are, no matter how the household is structured to support itself. Instead, we play out these ridiculous roles and feel guilt, conflict, exclusion, or isolation when we work outside of those constraints.

Randy,

It is great you are making time for your family, I too am blessed with a great husband who has managed to provide very well for his family and be a part of his children’s lives (who are now pretty much grown) but he always says “he would not trade his ‘job’ for mine any day.” My husband has always said, “You are on 24/7 and I’m glad I go to the office everyday because I would die staying home.” It is great to have a husband that understands!

Katherine does a lot of things for the house and baby that I do not, but as long as the baby industrial complex caters almost exclusively to mothers society seems to be telling me my role is to go out every night and leave the baby duties to mom. It also diminishes the role of the dads like me that have slowed their careers, and put dinner on the table every night to make life with a baby work.